If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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