i need an iv and a liver transplant
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
