you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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