I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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