All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I just sharted jello shots
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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