Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
