so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
