She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
