Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
