You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
ok first of all what the fuck
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
