My pussy is not your playground.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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