My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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