I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
