Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
