rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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