Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
