First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
