I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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