The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
