You surviving the open bar?
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I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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