Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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