So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
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You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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