my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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