I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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