We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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