i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
