Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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