I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
