Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
