I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
