i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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