Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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