Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
