apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
