I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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