M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
