guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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