oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
being pregnant is like rehab
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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