I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
