I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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