i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
