$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Houston, we have a blender
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's blow job season.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
