i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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