I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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