He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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