boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
