Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
