i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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