sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
