my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
