I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He passed out mid-signature
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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