i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ttyl tear gas
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
