I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
