Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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