worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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