he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
