Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize