he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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