when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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