I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
