So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
