my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
